Just like the movie…

I was a 28 year old virgin. That bears repeating. At 28 years of age I had not had sex with a woman (or man). Why not? I’ve thought about that at length and I think it’s because I’m asocial. I’ve never been able to form friendships – not intimate relationships, but just plain old friendships – with other people. That’s a serious problem in itself (one that I still suffer with), but it turns out that if you don’t have any friends outside of classes or work, you don’t get introduced to or meet a lot of women. Not having friends means you miss out on a lot of social events – even just casual stuff like going to a pub or hanging out together in a common-room. I’m not fat, or especially unattractive. I’m not athletic or particularly fetching, either, but as a friendless loner, it just doesn’t matter.

Mind you, it’s not that I didn’t have opportunities early on. I was asked out by a few girls in high school. That’s not necessarily a chance to lose your virginity, but at least it would have been companionship. I turned every one of them down, for a lot of really dumb reasons. Anyways, after high school there was university, but I waited for a few years before going, so no one that I had known in high school was there. And after school (the first degree) there was work, and while I had thought in university that I couldn’t possibly be more alone, it was even worse in the working world.

There’s a story in a book that I read by a psychiatrist who’s counseling a patient who complains that he can’t find any friends. Paraphrasing, the psychiatrist responds, “Joe, in all the world, you have no friends waiting to be found.” His patient is shocked that his doctor would say something so blunt and cruel. Eventually, after his patient has grown even more despondent, the psychiatrist continues, “There are no friends out there in the world waiting for you. You have to MAKE friends!” I’m mentioning this because I don’t want to leave the impression that I’m blaming anyone else for my friendlessness. I know that I’ve wasted a lot of time and let go of a lot of chances to connect with other people. It’s my own fault. Friends are made, not found, and I just haven’t tried hard enough to make them.

Anyways, back to my virginity. A man’s virginity, in his youth, is precious. Sometime around 22 or 23 it becomes a painful annoyance. By 28, it’s a humiliating reminder of failure, so I decided that I was going to pay for sex. I called an escort service, and asked for a girl. I think when they asked me for any preferences, I said that I’d like someone ‘athletic’. I might have also used the word ‘lithe’.

She arrived a few hours later. She was an ex-stripper who found she could make more money as an escort. I think when I told her that I was a virgin she felt comfortable enough to tell me that she was married. Apparently her husband got a charge out of knowing that she was going out to have sex with a stranger. As fetishes go it’s a strange one, but even then there were ground rules – she said that he’d get really upset if she didn’t tell him about it. I find that really interesting – it wasn’t the fact that his lady was going out for the evening to be penetrated by another man that bothered him. What upset him was when it became an experience that was exclusive to his wife and some other guy – when it was a secret that she kept from him and shared only with that other man.

Anyways, we had sex, and I was finally rid of my virginity. As sex goes it was OK – It was over much too quickly. I called on the services of that same girl a second time a few weeks later, and the sex was much, much better. In fact, it some of the best that I’ve ever had, really. She was tall and had a beautifully proportioned body that fit together with mine just perfectly.

Aside from this, my only other sexual experience was with my only other girlfriend – a girl that I met at a dance class. We went on a couple of dates together, and on our second date there was a lot of intimate touching, but not really any sex. At any rate, we broke up shortly after – I think we had an argument on the phone and just never called each other again. It seems pretty silly now, thinking about it.

My wife had a lot more experience with men than I had with women. She was having sex early and often. She lost her virginity just after high school, and went on to have sex with at least 7 other men in her early 20’s before she settled into a long term relationship. Moreover, she’s had an innumerable number of boyfriends – she couldn’t even count them when I asked. She had plenty of opportunities, and she took them. While I was thinking of stupid reasons to turn away friends and say no to women, my wife was enthusiastically saying yes to the men she met.